Domestic violence is a serious issue that affects millions of people worldwide. For years, the dominant explanation has been that domestic violence is about power and control—that one person seeks to dominate and manipulate another. While this model has been helpful in understanding and addressing many cases, what if there’s more to the story?

Despite years of efforts, education, and interventions based on the power-and-control model, domestic violence rates aren’t decreasing as much as we’d hope. This leaves us asking: Could there be another explanation?

The Power-and-Control Model: A Good Start, But Not the Whole Story

There’s no doubt that power and control play a role in many cases of domestic violence. But does it really explain every situation? Consider this: in some cases, even when people don’t have a clear desire to dominate others, violence still occurs. Why?

Let’s take a step back and consider another possibility. What if, in some cases, violence isn’t primarily about control over others, but rather about inner conflict—a struggle happening within the person who becomes violent?

Inner Conflict: The Hidden Driver of Violence?

“Inner conflict” refers to the emotional battles that people carry inside them. This could be unresolved trauma, confusion about their emotions, or frustration with life that they don’t know how to express. When these emotions build up, they can explode outward, causing people to hurt those around them, even if that wasn’t their conscious intention.

Think of it like this: when someone feels torn between their true feelings and their actions, it can create a sense of frustration and anger. They might not even fully understand why they’re acting out in harmful ways. Instead of power and control being the driving force, they are reacting to the unresolved inner struggles that they’ve never had the chance to address.

Why Addressing Inner Conflict Could Change Everything

If we focus solely on power and control, we might be missing an important piece of the puzzle. By paying attention to the internal struggles people face—their emotional pain, confusion, and feelings of disconnection—we could open new pathways for healing, not just for the person who is the victim but for the person who is the perpetrator as well.

When people are given the tools to understand and resolve their inner conflicts, they can gain control over their emotions, reducing the need to act out violently. Therapy, emotional awareness, and deeper self-reflection could help people find peace within themselves, which could, in turn, prevent violence.

What Would This Approach Look Like in Practice?

Addressing inner conflict means going beyond just penalizing bad behaviour. It’s about helping people:

• Identify and understand their emotions: Many people who commit acts of violence don’t fully understand their feelings or why they’re behaving a certain way.
• Develop emotional regulation skills: Once they understand their emotions, they can learn healthier ways to express and manage them.
• Heal from past trauma: Unresolved trauma often fuels inner conflict, leading to harmful actions. Helping people heal from these experiences can break the cycle of violence.

Not Just an Excuse, But a Path to Real Change

This approach isn’t about excusing violent behaviour—it’s about understanding it more deeply so we can stop it. By focusing on inner conflict, we may be able to address the root causes of violence in a way that traditional models haven’t fully tackled.

So, next time we think about domestic violence, maybe it’s worth asking: is this really about power and control, or is there something deeper at play? Could we create more lasting change by helping people resolve the battles they’re fighting inside?

Join the Conversation

Have you or someone you know experienced domestic violence? Do you think inner conflict could be a factor? Let’s open up this conversation and explore ways to bring about real change. Your thoughts and experiences could help shape a new understanding of why domestic violence happens—and how we can stop it.

Growth Healing Therapy takes a person-centred approach to help those who’ve engaged in harmful behaviours, including individuals who have committed domestic violence. Instead of labelling or judging, this therapy seeks to understand the internal struggles that may have led to these actions. By creating a safe, non-judgemental space, individuals can explore deep-rooted emotional pain, trauma, and the hidden causes behind their behaviour.

Through this process, they begin to uncover more about their own emotions and learn healthier ways to manage and express them, moving away from violence. It’s not just about stopping harmful actions; it’s about fostering real growth, self-awareness, and empathy.

Ultimately, this approach encourages healing on both sides—allowing people to break harmful cycles and build healthier, more positive relationships with themselves and those around them.

Start Your Journey Toward a Peaceful Home

Change takes time, but by taking the first step now, you set yourself—and your family—on the path to a safer, more loving future. Whether you’re ready to heal from past abuse or seeking help to stop harmful behaviours, Growth Healing Therapy can help you achieve the peace you deserve.

I invite you to visit my therapy page to learn more about my approach and how it can help transform your life. Book a session today and be on your way to creating a more peaceful home and healthier family dynamics.

You don’t have to wait for things to get worse. Start now, and give yourself and your loved ones the gift of a home filled with understanding, empathy, and respect.