Anger and abusive behaviour can sometimes feel like they’re not choices at all. In the heat of the moment, when emotions take over, it may seem like your reactions are automatic, something beyond your control. You might think, “I couldn’t help it” or “I didn’t mean to hurt them,” but it still happens, leaving you feeling guilty or confused. Why does it feel like anger or abusive behaviour is out of your hands, and is there any way to break this cycle?

Why It Feels Like Anger and Abuse Aren’t Choices

Anger often comes from a place of deep frustration or emotional pain. For many people, those feelings of anger or aggression are not a result of malicious intent, but rather reactions to stress, past trauma, or feelings of inadequacy. When someone has been hurt in the past—whether through emotional neglect, abuse, or other negative experiences—the mind and body often get stuck in a defensive mode. This can lead to responses like anger or abuse when they feel threatened, even if the situation doesn’t warrant it.

The truth is, these reactions can feel automatic because they have become ingrained over time. If you’ve experienced a lot of emotional turmoil or trauma, your body and mind may have learned to react quickly, almost instinctively, to certain triggers. In these moments, it may feel like you don’t have a choice in the matter. But the good news is that this is where self-awareness can make all the difference.

The Power of Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to recognize your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours as they happen. It’s the key to understanding why you react the way you do and recognizing patterns that you may have developed over time. When you become more self-aware, you start to understand what’s triggering your anger or abusive behaviour, and that’s the first step toward change.

Self-awareness allows you to observe your thoughts and emotions without automatically acting on them. By recognizing the early signs of anger or frustration, you can pause and reflect before reacting. This is a powerful shift. Instead of being controlled by your emotions, you take the driver’s seat, making more conscious choices about how to respond.

How My Therapy Can Help

My therapy approach focuses on helping you develop this crucial self-awareness. Through a supportive, non-judgemental environment, we’ll explore the root causes of your anger or abusive behaviour, such as past trauma or negative emotional experiences. Together, we’ll uncover the emotional triggers that lead to these reactions and work on understanding them from a deeper perspective.

With greater self-awareness, you’ll learn to recognize the thoughts and emotions that contribute to anger or abuse. Instead of reacting impulsively, you’ll gain the tools to pause, process, and choose healthier responses. This shift from automatic reactions to conscious choices is the key to long-lasting change. My therapy will guide you on this journey, helping you heal from the past, understand your present behaviours, and create a future where positive responses replace the old patterns.

The more you understand yourself, the more empowered you become to break free from the cycle of anger and abuse. Change is not only possible—it’s within your control, and with the right guidance, it can be lasting.